community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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