I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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