I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
