can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
