i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
