Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
