Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize