I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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