As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
