You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
