Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
