Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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