I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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