there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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