exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
