man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
