I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
