I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
