did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i came on her dog
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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