im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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