Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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