Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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