What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
