How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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