There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
