So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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