when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
