I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
