I like my sex mixed with concussions.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
