Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
