my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
