you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
