apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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