I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
