i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
