i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
