i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
