Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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