the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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