I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
