I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think people are normalizing furries
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
