i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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