Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
