Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
