Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
