her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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