She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
