I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
