I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
