im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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