I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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