Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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