her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
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vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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