Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
